Each month, we get hundreds of questions from our readers about oral sex. Can it cause pregnancy? Should you use condoms for it? Does having it make you lose your virginity?
Many teens are thinking about oral sex, and a study by the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) found that more than half of U.S. teens ages 15 to 19 have done it. So why is oral sex so popular?
"Technical Virgins"
First, there's the idea of preserving virginity. Most teens agree that people lose their virginity the first time they have penile-vaginal intercourse. (Many also agree that people can lose their virginity through oral and anal sex if they have same-sex partners.) To some teens, being a "technical virgin" is very important — they believe they can do everything but have vaginal sex and still remain a virgin.
The increasing importance of "technical virginity" is likely influenced by abstinence-only education, which focuses on teaching teens to avoid vaginal sex. "In abstinence education, you learn that you should stay a virgin," says Matt, 15. "So if you have oral sex, you don't have to lose your virginity, and you don't feel like you are doing something as bad."
Matt isn't the only teen who thinks oral sex "doesn't count." A Columbia University study found that teens who took virginity pledges were more likely to have anal and oral sex than teens who didn't pledge. Pledgers were substituting these other kinds of sex play for vaginal sex in order to stay "technical virgins."
The New Safer Sex?
Sarah, 19, thinks teens are having oral sex instead of vaginal sex because they believe it's safer. So ... is it? "There are fewer health risks for oral sex than there are for anal and vaginal sex, and pregnancy rates are down," says Nora Gelperin, director of training for the Network for Family Life Education in New Jersey, which publishes the website Sex, Etc. "Infection rates are up, which is not good, but we need to acknowledge that oral sex is less risky than other things."
Oral sex can't cause pregnancy, and it's very low risk for HIV. However, oral sex can put both partners at risk for other, less dangerous sexually transmitted infections, including cytomegalovirus (CMV), gonorrhea, hepatitis B, herpes, and syphilis. Using condoms to cover the penis or a dental dam or cut-open condom to cover the vulva or anus can reduce the risk of infection.
Do teens use protection for oral sex? "Never happened, never will," says Lisa, 15. Sarah agrees, saying the people she knows rarely use condoms for oral sex. And the NCHS study found the same — only nine percent of the teens surveyed reported using condoms for oral sex.
Since abstinence-only education doesn't teach about safer sex, many teens may not be aware of how to reduce their risk of infection during oral sex. "We need to look at how to help kids be informed and safe when they're engaged in this behavior," says Gelperin.
'Tis Better to Give Than Receive?
In the past, many people thought of oral sex as a one-way street — something girls would give and guys would get. "A lot of adults are concerned about the seeming inequity of girls performing oral sex on guys — that she's just being exploited by him," says Gelperin.
But according to the NCHS study, guys are giving and receiving oral sex at about the same rate as girls — even if they don't always tell their friends about it. "I think most guys like to give it if they get it," says Jabari, 17, "but they don't always like to talk about the fact that they like to give it."
Gelperin says she wasn't very surprised by the findings, since the study looked at older teens. "As teens mature, the relationships are a little more long-lasting, and the issue of reciprocity and equality in relationships becomes more important," she says.
The Bottom Line
As with any kind of sex play, communication is key when it comes to oral sex. Talking about safer sex, likes and dislikes, and what we're ready or not ready to do goes a long way toward making sex play enjoyable and comfortable for both people.
